I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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