she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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