he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
