A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
