we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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