I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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