I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
