They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
