Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Couch. On fire.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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