he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
