I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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