I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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