3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
