Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
