I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
