I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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