i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
