He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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