my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
