OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
