Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
