dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
