she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
