The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
