Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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