Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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