Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
