my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
