Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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