Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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