i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
