but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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