the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize