stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize