i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
