The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
