He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
