..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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