this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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