You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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