i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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