I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
