Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
