I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
