Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
