I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
