The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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