I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
