I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
