chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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