I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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