Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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