3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
