im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Can you bring me the toilet please
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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