it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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