WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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