Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sorry about my life...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
