Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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