just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
