so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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