tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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