i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
