Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
