Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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