I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
