guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
