just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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