he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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