I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
