we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
