Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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