Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
