Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
