Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My pussy is not your playground.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
