I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
