I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
