you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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