i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
