it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
