Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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