Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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