I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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