i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
