video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
