Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
