So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
