I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
