But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
