Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
